Key Resources For Parents
I never want to overwhelm parents with information. Try to remember that the only goal of any of these resources is to create a little more connection in your home and a little more emotional attunement between you and your child. That will help your child to feel more comfortable to release more of their feelings on a regular basis, in a less explosive way, and talk about them (“name it to tame it”), so that they can develop their social and emotional intelligence, and hence, their self-regulation skills : )
And just because your child is coming to see me, doesn’t mean that you haven’t already been doing this! Overall, mental health for children appears to be comprised of three main factors: genetics (mainly how your child’s brain regulates dopamine), temperament (e.g., strong-willed, perfectionistic, etc.), and external life events (e.g., the pandemic). “Parenting” essentially falls under the category of external life events and is one aspect. There is so much we can’t control as parents.
Some children just feel more intensely, which is such a beautiful gift in the long run. Whatever a child is struggling with, play therapy can be helpful as a non-judgmental space for a child’s emotional expression.
But no matter what, our children push us to more deeply understand our own feelings, work through our own triggers (often from childhood), increase our own self-awareness, empathy, and compassion, and grow… sometimes very, very painfully!
No matter what, our children will feel calmer when we are more emotionally attuned with them. As Dr. Dan Siegel reminds us, "When we attune with others, we allow our own internal state to shift and to come to resonate with the inner world of another. This resonance is at the heart of the important sense of ‘feeling felt’ that emerges in close relationships. Children need attunement to feel secure and to develop well, and throughout our lives, we need attunement to feel close and connected.”
On this journey, I have found these resources below to be really helpful as a play therapist and mom.
Calming Corner Tools:
I really recommend creating a “calming corner” or “time-in” corner in your home to start. You can purchase Generation Mindful’s Time-In Toolkit or make your own. Here are some items that you could put into your child’s calming corner:
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/U2XFN9ZJ09JG?ref_=wl_share
There just needs to be a few options for sensory seeking/emotional release and sensory soothing/calming.
If you go on a trip with your child, try to create a tiny little mini version to bring with you in a box : )
Parenting Books:
Good Inside: A Guide To Becoming The Parent You Want To Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy and all of her resources: https://www.goodinside.com/workshops/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAqOucBhDrARIsAPCQL1aLb6Nx-xf3Mk450vVVTCoGwa7U-oFzZmN4sKyNwHT1IAY9zn8dV7AaAigyEALw_wcB
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies To Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Siegel and Bryson
This video by Siegel on “How to Comfort an Upset Child” is actually a great summary if you don’t have time to read the book: https://www.happilyfamily.com/how-to-comfort-an-upset-child-dr-dan-siegel/?utm_source=ONTRAPORT-email-campaign&utm_medium=ONTRAPORT-email-campaign&utm_term=&utm_content=Help+a+child+cope+with+distress&utm_campaign=1%2AHF%3A+LT+Nurture+-date+BROADCAST+ALL
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish
Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish
Parenting with Theraplay: Understanding Attachment and How to Nurture a Closer Relationship with Your Child by Rodwell and Norris
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents by Lebowitz and the SPACE program resources (https://www.spacetreatment.net/manual-and-books )
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment And How It Can Help You Find And Keep Love by Levine and Heller (this is a great reminder for us as adults that secure attachment is the end goal, and we may have our own attachment needs that we are still working on meeting and healing as we are raising our children)
For children considered academically gifted — Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope With Explosive Feelings by Fonseca
Authentic Parenting: A Four-Temperaments Guide to Your Child and Yourself by Borsky and Haney
Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family by Satter
As you go on this parenting journey, consider starting with self-compassion too: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive by Germer and Neff
Parenting Articles:
How I recommend setting limits/rules/boundaries in your home to reduce shame/defensiveness/disconnection: https://jentaylorplaytherapy.com/set-limits-3-easy-steps/
The Best Peaceful Parenting “One-Liners”: https://www.happilyfamily.com/the-best-peaceful-parenting-one-liners/
NY Times, The Science Behind Your Child’s Tantrums: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/15/parenting/kids-tantrums-advice.html?referringSource=articleShare
NY Times, Why Your Kid’s Bad Behavior May Be A Good Thing: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/11/well/family/rude-child-development-behavior.html
NY Times, What Is Sensory Processing Disorder?: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/17/parenting/sensory-processing-disorder-kids.html (many children have unique sensory needs and taking them into account can help your home to feel calmer)
Mightier, 7 Effective Anger Management Activities For Kids: https://www.mightier.com/activity/7-effective-anger-management-activities-for-kids/
After The Shooting: What Parents Can Do: https://cdn.ymaws.com/www.a4pt.org/resource/resmgr/parents_corner_2021/aftertheshooting-parents_flo.pdf
Talking To Children About Terrorist Attacks And School And Community Shootings In The News: https://www.schoolcrisiscenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Guidelines-Talking-to-Kids-About-Attacks-Two-Sided-Onesheet-Format.pdf
Other Tools for Parents:
@comedyistherapy is my TikTok account where I post play therapy tips and parenting ideas for connection. My account is a mix of my personal and professional thoughts, and really, it’s a creative outlet. I use beauty mode, of course, hah! If you scroll back to the beginning, you will see more videos where I am teaching parents how to do play therapy in their own homes. I started this account when I was not practicing during the height of pandemic isolation and wanted more connection in my life : )
@preschooltherapy account on TikTok (great parenting advice for navigating the toddler and preschool phase of development)
@powerful.parenting account on TikTok is another great play therapist with TONS of information, especially on strong-willed children!
Therapy In A Nutshell on YouTube (excellent mental health psychoeducation for parents)
Mistaken Goals Chart (sometimes children are just trying to get their needs met): https://www.positivediscipline.com/sites/default/files/mistakengoalchart.pdf
Winning the Toddler Stage (parenting course from Big Little Feelings)
Always consult with your pediatrician before starting any supplements, but here are a few to consider asking them about: https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/supplements-childhood-anxiety/#.YecLghPMKrc
Internet Access for Kids: A Guide for Parents https://www.internetadvisor.com/internet-access-for-kids-parents-guide
Other Tools for Children:
All of these videos about anxiety for children are excellent. Really recommend watching them with your child so that you can use the same language in your home: https://www.heysigmund.com/category/with-kids/anxiety-videos-for-kids/
How to Talk To Your Kids About Safe Adults: https://www.tiktok.com/@jesmartini/video/7121861210324225323?_t=8UGdYm9NEPD&_r=1
Coupled with the book “Only For Me” to educate and prevent childhood sexual abuse.
Breathe, Think, Do With Sesame (a free phone app that helps children learn self-regulation skills; children under 6)
Mightier (a game-based app that helps children ages 6 - 12 who struggle with their emotions)
Children’s TV Shows:
(to watch with your child so that you both can use the same language)
Daniel Tiger (for younger children) and also use the complimentary app Daniel Tiger's Grr-ific Feelings
Bluey (play and connection for a bit older children)
I often look up shows on Common Sense Media as well. I recommend not allowing children to watch YouTube/YouTube Kids unsupervised because there is not enough oversight about what is posted in my experience.
Children’s Books (I have these in my lending library, so don’t worry about getting them! I will be sending them home with your child.):
Hey Warrior and Hey Awesome (anxiety, for older children)
When I Feel Afraid, Learning To Get Along (anxiety, for younger children)
The Rabbit Listened (empathy/grief)
Only For Me and No Means No! (boundaries and consent)
The Invisible String (grief)
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If you want to do special play therapy play times with your child in your own home, then I recommend taking in the following play therapy information in this order. Links in the titles.
The goal of these weekly 30-minute sessions is to just to cultivate this attitude towards your child during this time: “I am here—I hear you—I understand—I care—I delight in you!”
First: Demonstration Video of Special Play Time
Second: Handout That Goes With Special Play Time Demonstration Video
Third: Therapeutic Toys for Special Play Times (Not all are required! Just some suggestions).
Fourth: Picture of Toy Setup for Special Play Times (Take them out and put them away after every special play time)
Fifth: Special Play Time Procedures Checklist
Sixth: The Skill of Choice Giving and Advanced Choices